And it was cathartic. Bloody hell, Rove.

After visiting Ernest Hemmingway's house on Key West, I've been a little obsessed with his personality and work. I rather enjoy the fact that he was a drunkard, and liked cats enough to have 50 of them roam his estate on the island. I like his larger-than-life personality, even though it seemed to be his demise at the end when he took his life.

I often think that insanity leads to the best art, in all forms. And oftentimes, when corrected, it isn't art anymore. They say that's why he killed himself. He tried to make himself better and in doing so, lost his ability of beautiful writing. So he shot himself in the head.

I found a great quote by him, in Farewell to Arms,"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places."

That's very true, Ernest.

friendanonymous: Well, have you MET Diana?
friendanonymous: You meet her and tell me that that isn't her most, ahem, prominent feature!?
Machan: *laughs*
friendanonymous: Seriously. You need some ghey.

*snorts*

When people ask me what I believe, and I tell them a word that always make some cringe, "Jesus", I always have a hard time explaining.

It isn't the church that I work for. Or the Religious Right that dominate the media and make bad names of what christians should be. In fact, I even hate using the word "christian", in which Rob Bell once said, "makes a great noun, but an awful adjective"...

I feel confronted about it, conflicted. What do I say that describes the struggle, the questions, the yearning. It isn't the Sunday school, or the new lucky charm I have and guess what, his name is JESUS!, kind of feeling.

I hate institutions. Or slow, organized entities. Historically, the church has been behind the curve in every sense of the word. But Jesus taught to treat others as equals. And he also said that when someone hits you, you turn and ask that if you're to be hit again, it's as an equal. You think creatively in situations to give people a choice.

Salon.com has an except from a book I've never heard of, "Take this Bread", by Sara Miles. She says something great. Something that explains it all for me in just three sentences.

"But the Christianity that called to me, through the stories I read in the Bible, scattered the proud and rebuked the powerful. It was a religion in which divinity was revealed by scars on flesh. It was an upside-down world in which treasure, as the prophet said, was found in darkness; in which the hungry were filled with good things, and the rich sent out empty; in which new life was manifested through a humiliated, hungry woman and an empty, tortured man."

It's so true for me.

Tomorrow is my dad's birthday. I didn't even remember until my mom corrected me by saying that I couldn't take Gretta down to Children's Hospital to see Gemma because we were going to Las Olas to celebrate...

Celebrate his first birthday, alone, and without him there to tell us he didn't need all the presents and attention. But he always basked in it, anyway, because that's what dads do... or at least mine did.

Not to sound narcissistic, but I said it perfectly to sleepingwulf:

luvpeebo: I should feel sad, but I don't know how to feel.

Today at 6:30a my friend's water broke. Jen is going to have her little girl, albeit a tad early but that's alright!, and life is going to be sooo different and weird. I don't think I know any girls without kids. And of course, I'm pretty much one of the last hold-outs of the sans-child lifestyle.

I do not want kids anytime soon. My mom is starting to say "if kids" instead of "when kids", which makes me feel guilty, but...

I'm sorry. Too selfish. Enjoying my life in our small house with our kitty-baby.

Why is choosing a dentist so damn stressful? I have tons of questions running through my brain...

Is he going to be nice? Are they going to sell me things I don't need? omg, what if my teeth are rotting? Can I trust him? Is he... one of the good ones? Are they nearby?

I've seen the same dentist nearly all my life (since I was 4). I trust him. He doesn't sell me procedures and things I don't need. He's honest, and gentle with the novacaine. His secretary (Sharm) has worked there since I've been there. When I had to have some teeth out as a kid she held me in her lap and read me stories.

I trust these damn people. They sent a plant when Dad died. How can I go see someone else with this new plan we have at work? It feels like cheating on a serious test. Or lying to your mom about something important.

It also feels dumb to be this frenzied!!!!!

A movie for a Vanguard (a game we're beta-ing) that sleepingwulf and I made. The animal races have no tails, and since the NDA is lifted, I can post this now. We're trying to garner support for tails on beast-ish characters.

Save a Tail Foundation, do it for the Raki!

I sooo want to go home. And another cup of coffee.

My friend, Rose, bought me a bracelet with all sorts of chinese word symbols: peace, love, good luck, wisdom... I'm going to wear them to remind me that this year will be better. Those that left notes on my previous entry, thank you thank you thank you. They gave me hope. :)

So, with that, I have leftover bellini puree, raspberry and peach. I am buying another bottle of prosecco.

Voila!

...and fuck off! You were a terrible year. Horrible. And not in some pettymamby-pamby way. You took my dad, my horse, my dog, my friend, but you didn't take me.

I'm glad you're leaving. I'm looking forward to a better year starting tonight. Thank goodness for the prosecco I bought.

My favorite line in this movie is when the irish guy first comes along and then saves Wallace from the assassin-guy by sneaking up and throwing a hatchet in his chest.

"I didn't like him anyway. He wasn't right in the head."

Then he yanks the hatchet out. I think I could use a hatchet. If I lived back then, it just might be my weapon of choice.

Dammit, I am not sleepy at all.

Nothing like watching The Crow with your Christmas lights on, and a nice merry fire going.

Abashed the devil stood, and felt how awful goodness is.

But Brandon Lee was hot.

But this movie does make me think about the afterlife. Do passed on loved ones see us? Are there really angels looking out for us? Do you see a light, do you see your life pass before your eyes? Do we wait for those at heaven's gate til they get there, or is it that time disappears and everyone is there at once?

It isn't that I'm exactly afraid, just questioning. But how romantic it is for a crow to bring back your beloved to make things right, and then rescue him at the end.

Merry Christmas? *smirk*

working christmas eve
desserts, presents, and toddlers
stave off this cold, please

This time, we talk about Sandra Lee on the crap show Semi-Homemade, and how much we loathe her, and someone comes up with an astonishing discovery...

wuffir: I notice though every meal she makes has some kind of hard liquor drink
luvpeebo: Yeah, she's a lush
luvpeebo: Or I would be if I lived in her house.
wuffir: Lol
luvpeebo: She always gives some kind of stupid adjective in front of each action she does.
luvpeebo: "Give it a QUICK stir"
luvpeebo: "Or a NICE LITTLE chop"
luvpeebo: Gah, STFU
wuffir: OMG, she's the Bob Ross of cooking

I have a flat tire???!
computer screens start to burn
and give me headaches

Of course the night one gets a flat tire, is the night that no one seems to be answering their phones. Thereby leaving me to wait, bored, for the AAA guy to come and put my spare on!

bratty pastor's kids
sunday school and michaelle house
servant's heart; worn out                        

this is me breathing
thank you, Amin, namaste
hard part is the wait

sunday school cut-outs
impending rain, soggy skies
roof better be fixed